PRISON MONOLOGUE

Nice to see you again. I was expecting you. And you came. Again. You always come seven minutes after midnight when the moonlight fills my cell. It’s an advantage to be precise on time. Keep doing it and I will let you be my best friend. Yes….yes, I will. Time is very important…and…. Oh! Dear I just realized that I have never introduced my self to you. How rude of me.
We spoke almost every day and you don’t know my name. (He coughs)
My name is……my name is …..Oh! Dear, I think I don’t remember my name, but I don’t think this would be a problem, do you? After all you never speak …you’ll never call me with my name. I don’t know you well but I can tell when someone is shy, like you are.
It’s ok with me. You can just hear me. It’s really rear to find someone to hear you these days. Everyone speaks without knowing why. I can understand your need for silence. (He coughs)

So where were we? Ah! I told you that I don’t remember my name .I keep forgetting things these days. Anyway, my name it’s not so important. But let’s say my name is just someone. Don’t tell me yours. I will probably forget it also.
Do you have a good memory? Because I think if I had a good memory I would choose not to have one.
Forgetting is a very handy ability inside a prison, especially when you are sentenced to life. I said handy? Necessary is the proper word. You must sponge out everything about your past life in order to survive. And you know why? Because it hurts too much to remember. It’s a pain that you can’t fight. Because it’s always there. With every thought and every breath. It feeds from you like a parasite. Like a virus that has no cure.
And you must learn how to coexist with that virus inside your system, screaming on and on that you are absent. From everything. Absent from everything you were, you did, you cared, you loved .Absent from your self. (He coughs)
But when you don’t recall even your name, that virus becomes inactive. The voices stop.
The agony ends. You become just numb. You become someone that simply can’t remember.
The ugly part is that there are times that you forget you are alive. You are unable to enjoy the luxury that the small things of life can provide. There are just details but they make the difference.
A simple walk. The sense of cold breeze on your face. The feeling of liberty. A moment that you unconsciously satisfy your inner need of escaping. Oh … that regenerating and overwhelming emotion that gently whispers to your spirit that you are alive. (He coughs)
The smell of a woman’s body .Her worm present that makes the nature of a man to blossom. The gift to express what only a touch can. A reason for any male to be grateful...


My voiceless friend….. How easily we forget we are alive. It sounds completely silly but it’s true. If you look deep inside you, can you remember the last time you felt alive? The last time you could shout it out loud without having misgivings for it? Don’t rush. Take your time. Don’t answer me if you don’t want to. That’s ok. I know. That makes two of us. And I think a lot of people outside these walls. But they don’t know it. They can’t realize it. They can’t see it. Ha. .ha. Ha. Ha. (He coughs)Now who’s the one imprisoned? Who has limited view? And I thought I was the one that can see the world only from a small window with bars…
I’ll give you a friendly advice. If you don’t want to forget that you are alive, you must always remember to live. Don’t be absent were you can be present.
I hope you find some comfort in my words.


Oh…look we have full moon tonight. And a clear sky…I almost can see all the stars…. (He coughs)

Yesterday, when I woke up and opened my eyes, I thought that for some seconds my sealing had disappeared and I could see the sky again. No roof above my head. Just Stars... Beautiful, shiny, countless, little stars.
I made an effort to reach them as if I could grab them with my hands but there were too far. Everything is far from here. From where I resident. (He coughs)
It’s not a good place, but what can I say… It is home.
It’s quite and peaceful and after a while you get used to stand the stony and stuffily loneliness. It becomes quite better when I have guests. Like now that you are here. Yesterday that you weren’t here the moon visited me and we had a really good time. She even shined for me. I could arrange for you to meet her if you want. I asked her if she could be my new cell mate but she had matters to attend to and politely refused so…

I am sorry, but why are you looking me like this? Do I recognize an ironic mien on your face? You look like you are ready to burst into laughs with what I am saying…
Oh... I get it…I can see your thoughts clearly…. (He coughs)
He lost his mind inside here you are thinking right now. He has no grip of the world that surrounds his prison cell and he is telling plane nonsense. A graphic insane inmate. A problematic mind. A mentally disturbed person that deserves to be restrained. A human being of no use to the society that don’t belong in the healthy and perfect world out of this institute.

And I am telling you that I don’t care about your unclean world. I don’t give a wooden penny. It’s my world that I am telling you about. My own tiny private universe.
And inside it I can think, I can do, I can say what ever I want. I have my own world. A world that believes I am innocent. A world that condemns the big fish and not small time crooks forced to steal. A world that punishes the ones that pushes the buttons and not the ones that pull foolishly a trigger to kill. A world that gives you a second chance…

If you don’t want to be part of it, hear what I have to say without misjudging me, leave and never come back. I didn’t invite you. (He coughs)
You came in your own will. Disappear into your shadows and leave me in peace.
I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. At list I live into a world I like and love.
Can you say the same? Is the world you live, your world?




I admit it. Yes…I did… And it was not an abdication from life, contrary it was salvation for a desperate man straggling to outlast. I had to create a shrunken version of the world where I am invincible. No one and nothing can hurt me. Not even my life’s decided unsatisfied prospects for something better, my heart’s and body’s hunger for amorous caress and the fact that the rest of my life I won’t have the opportunity to change my life’s biggest mistake.. But am I the only one that made a mistake? (He coughs)
I sound quite emotional here ha? I know. My heart’s feelings are useful like a weakness is, inside here. . My mind ability to think is prohibitive. It is a mistake to keep arguing with your self. Keep trying to remain the same person. It’s not a lie to say that desire is a forbidden word inside a prison. Seeking and longing to satisfy your needs without never having results, can lead you into madness. So I decided to stop listen, to stop having desires. Nothing is better that something. I prefer to be numb. There where times when I even try to stop my self from breathing. But when you no longer want, feel or think you are like a wild animal. And animals can’t terminate there own life.
Do you understand now my lack of memory? (He coughs)

Without desires and expectations, without memories, without the strength to end my life’s non reversible one way road, I have lost everything and the ones they did not take I hung them over my self. I became an empty and hollow figure of my previous self but I still have something, and no one can take that away from me … If you intend to ask me what I have left, I can proudly tell you that the answer is my dreams.. My pure and innocent dreams.

My power to create my own world, my only solution, my only way out. (He coughs)
I can imagine that those bricks on the wall that I’ve memorized every little part of them are whatever I want .A view of a beautiful landscape or seagulls flying above the see at sunset. The walls are transformed into my small childhood room and the bed into an aerostat that takes me away from here. The voice of the prison guard becomes a familiar voice that tells you that dinner is ready, or some shadows in the room, become a silent friend who listens to you. My dream is my safety .I feel secure in my world, protected.
Do you feel secure in yours? (He coughs)

It’s all I got. And I am happy for it. One day a white dove stood on the ledge of my window and after a moment flew away. (He coughs) I envy it. I yearned so much to fly away with it. But I couldn’t .I cried and I cried and then suddenly, I realized that I could. I felt like after an eternity I found a reason to smile. I was happy.
With my imagination I could do anything. I had the power of a God and I could create anything I want. It was just my imagination but for me it was truth. My mind, my personal choice. I could go everywhere and not move at all. I was free… again…I find a way to live my life as I want to.
Without restrictions, without pain or fear... I found my freedom... and I am free now…from all.
Can you say the same thing for you? Are you free? Are you happy with your life?
Do you like the world you live in?

Answer me please if you have the courtesy before you leave me. Can you, or my questions are difficult? I am just a mad man, a mentally damaged person… how come my questions are hard to answer and not silly? (He coughs)
Which of us can you say is free….you or me? And if you know the answer can you tell me also which one thinks he is free… you or me?
Oh… dear the time has passed …The night soon will reach at an end. I need to rest. This terrible cold is tormenting me for months. I have a pain in my chest. I just want to lie down for a while. You can stay if you like. No hard feelings here. You will have time to think. You can tell me your answers tomorrow night.
Now I am going to close my eyes and dream a very long journey out of here.
(He coughs)… (He coughs really loud). (He is in pain)
At last… my release card from here is under my possession. (He coughs)
It’s like the moment with the dove I was telling you about. (He coughs) I realize it now… I can see it...Only that pain in my chest is different...You know life is nothing more that a sectional path that leads to death and the moment he approaches you with his bare and cold hand he brings with him a last knowledge… (He coughs)
I lived my life inside a prison …. But I leaved my life as a free man …
Unfortunately I won’t find out what your answers are (He coughs)…it’s ok. (He coughs)
I am leaving you now. (He coughs) I don’t want you to be sad. (He coughs)
I want you to think my questions... You’ll have all the time you want…
I’ll see you in my dreams again... Oh! I feel so sleepy now...